Childline kwazulu-natal-here for you… sikanye nawe

 

Imagine receiving a call from a stranger telling you that your child has been abused. Worse yet, imagine finding out that someone you trust has hurt your child. You would probably feel ashamed, over-whelmed and may eve feel that you cannot possibly help your child.

 

If this scenario has become your reality, Childline KZN can assist you. The most important thing you can do for your child is to remain supportive.

 

Getting involved in the process of healing and supporting your child is important for their recovery

 

·          Children who have been abused are struggling to regain control over their environment. Do anything you can to help them feel better – trust them, listen to them, allow them to make decisions and choices according to their age.

·          Set limits and keep to routines with the child as you would if they were not abused.

·          Childlren who have someone understanding and supportive will recover quicker than those without help.

·          Children need reassurance that they did not cause you anger or sadness - because they believe that they are the cause if everything.

·          Don’t restrict your child`s play for your own peace of mind – the child will feel you are punishing them by not letting them

·          Don`t continuously ask the child what happened or why they say NO or tell sooner – it will increase their feelings of guilt.

·          Don`t make promises about what may happen to the offender.

·          Don`t urge the child to forget about the abuse – they may  close up and the problems get bigger.

·          Relatives and friends may act out of ignorance and may  repeatedly ask the child about the abuse – children do not have to talk about the abuse.

·          Children are sexual beings too, and when they have been exposed to seductive sexual abuse they may behave in a sexualized manner.

·          Don`t confront the abuser – it wont make the problem go away.

·          Don`t blame yourself for what happened. No parent can be everywhere all the time. Join a support group.

 

What you should know when your child is abused

 

·          It is important to help your child to express feelings about abuse. r child may feel different, angry, guilty, ashamed, depressed, suicidal and responsible for the abuse.

·          Children may develop different body aches after being abused eg: chest aches, headaches, etc. Reassure them that this is normal.

·          Children can have temper tantrums and develop hate, etc. Understanding is important but set limits on how anger gets expressed.

·          Make it safe for your children to express feelings. Don`t be judgmental or correct the way the child feels. Sometimes children feel mad, sad, bad, afraid, mixed up.

·          Some children need opportunities for physical closeness – cooking together, setting the table, eating together helps. Older children may become withdrawn – but need their caregivers to be available to them.

·          Mood swings are part of getting better. Recovery is not smooth and level,  but like a roller coaster. A Child who seems worse may be actually getting better as they are not holding so much inside but finding ways to express their feelings.

·          Remember that each child responds differently.

 

Take care of yourself as a parent

As a parent of an abused child, you may be struggling with feelings of anger, disgust, shock, horror and disbelief. This is normal. It helps to talk to someone who can understand and assist you in coping with these feelings. Childline KZN offers this help.

 

“I`m glad you told me what`s happened to you”

“Nothing about you made it happen.”

“It`s not your fault.”

“You may think you`ll never feel happy again. It`s pretty normal to feel that way. It`s okay, you won`t feel sad forever.”

“You have the right to be angry”

“Don`t you want to talk about it?”